1. Original: The growling German powered V8 sputters into life in the frosty cold morning.
Revised: The German Powered Twin turbo V8 Sputters into life shooting condensation into the car behind them.
2. Original: Jake sits oddly on the warm leather seats, Jacinda is waiting in the beehive for Jake to tell him about how they need his help again.
Revised: Jake sits on his hip uncomfortably on the warm leather seats. Jacinda is waiting in the Beehive nervously about to tell Jake that the secret service need him again.
3. Original: As Jake gets out of the car he is met by towering security guards in black and white suits.
Revised: Jake get out of the posh lowered Mercedes and sees security guards towering over him.
Thanks for coming to my blog and do you try to revise your paragraphs/sentences once your finished writing them?
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